This post started out as a joy dare, but it turned into something else entirely.
I just had a really great prayer time. I feel like God helped me get a grip on some things tonight, things that I had really needed to understand and cling to. I'm not always honest with myself about everything. Sometimes I recognize problems but push them down and don't try to figure them out, which of course I realize just winds up hurting me, but a lot of the time with problems it's a choice between one kind of pain or another. And the kind of pain that comes from fixing things so often seems worse than the pain that comes from compartmentalizing- no, it's not, of course, but the first kind of pain burns harder and faster. The second kind only gets worse if you ignore it, and the only way to get rid of it is to go through the pain of fixing things. But I think humans are kind of self-destructive that way. If this hurts me less in this moment, it's difficult to choose the harder yet easier way. And now I'm babbling and if you were able to follow that, I'd be surprised. But I guess sometimes this is for me as much as anybody else. I know exactly what I said.
I pray a lot for sight. To be able to see things as they are- myself, situations, other people. I feel like I got a little bit of sight into myself and some situations tonight.
I feel refreshed.
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