This post was written on Sunday, June 9th, 2013.

I'm in West Virginia. I've been here since Wednesday the 29th. I don't want to leave tomorrow, but I have to.
Zoe and I came down for Megan and Matt's wedding, which was yesterday. We've been talking about, planning, and looking forward to this trip for months. In the last couple days before we left, my anticipation skyrocketed- but despite how much I wanted to be here with my three best friends (Megan, Katie and Zoe), I was content to let departure day take its time in arriving.
You see, this trip is the kick-off. This trip is the beginning of it all. I've known for months that once this trip arrived, I would blink and be at college. 
Here to CYIA to here again to missions trip to Lydia's wedding to college, with as much of the in-between time as possible spent at work.

Back to the present- I can hardly believe that Megan is married. She is Mrs. Dean now, and though she is the same person, the part of her that played house with her until we were well beyond the normal house-playing age and did ridiculous things like trying to drench the hill that was her back yard in water so we could go sledding in 90-degree weather and came crying to me whenever she was hurt is gone. It wasn't yesterday that Matt became the person who was the most intimate with and dear to Meg, and the actual marriage ceremony changed nothing in the order of things- everything has been this way, except names and addresses, for a while now. Still, it made me realize what has happened over these past two years. I feel a bit like Anne of Green Gables talking with the engaged Diana Barry- a little inexperienced, a little left behind. Megan won't be talking to me about what she imagines her life as a newlywed will be like anymore- she'll still listen to me when I voice my imaginations, but she'll be speaking from experience when we talk about this time of life now. We've almost certainly spent more nights laying awake talking in the past 12 years than we will in the entire rest of our lives. We never got to be roommates. She won't be here with Katie when I come to visit anymore.
On the other hand, yesterday was SO full of joy. This marriage has been a long time coming. God has fulfilled a huge number of Megan's desires through Matt. Through His strength and the prayers of those around them, they will have a long and happy marriage. This is a huge, beautiful, wonderful thing.
Such a bittersweet moment in time.

So, in summary, things will be different now. But they will be good.
I can hardly wait for Bible college. I desperately need to be surrounded by people who are like me in principles and goals and are willing to love me, and I pray that I find the community I long for there.

From my journal:

"Imagine anticipating a trip for months, then finally leaving for it. Think of being reunited with your best friends, who you haven't seen in 10 months, at your emotional home, where you haven't been in more time. Can you empathize with someone who's been on a foreign schedule and diet for 2 weeks while doing a LOT of important planning? What if, in the middle of all that, you stopped and visited with your physically failing grandparents as well as people who you haven't seen in almost 3 years? Then, try to comprehend that the girl you've played with, fought with, shared support with and loved since you were 6 years old was married today, leaving you and your sisters 3- an odd, not-right-number of ladies whose dynamic will never be quite the same. Then, know that on the day after tomorrow you will leave a place you feel is home for a place you do not miss."

This weekend has been an emotional wringer. 

I'm going to go enjoy my last night here with Katie and Zoe, though. I'm going to love watching the rain run down the hills, instead of soaking in or standing where it falls. This is the end of an era, and I'm going to be

wistful about it, but before I fall asleep I will look forward to my future and pray to the God who holds my heart in his hands. 

in which i rant about ranting

It seems as though there are an awful lot of people in my generation and the one before it who like to rant and rave about things. You know the ones. The intellectuals who like to be very well-informed (which is an excellent thing) and form their own opinions (also good if done correctly) instead of taking anyone else’s word for… anything. The ones who don't seem to take into account the fact that maybe other people have formed their opinions for reasons.

The people I’m talking about, my peers and the peers of my older siblings, pick a subject and take it apart. They can’t stand the stupidity of the old way of doing things when it comes to church, politics, marriage, family… you name it. They love to start debates about one system or side vs. another. But why? Why argue about things? Why not discuss them rationally, let one another's opinions sink in, and let go of this obsession with changing other people's minds? Maybe we should spend our time loving on people instead of fighting with them.

There’s no denying that sometimes, someone needs to speak up and change things. Please don’t think that I mean nothing about the government, the church, the whatever should ever change (although I think that sometimes things are the way they are because they work that way, and there are always repercussions to change that we aren't able to figure out beforehand). But here’s what I wish my generation would remember: knowledge isn’t wisdom.

Knowing a lot of facts does not make you wise. You can think you know the way things work, but really, you’re 18. You’re 30. What do you know about life? For all you know, you think wrong. What experience has given you such pure understanding, making you superior to everyone else? Maybe we need to give more thought to the reasons things are done the way they are. Maybe we should focus on improving the good facets of things and working to change the bad instead of calling for total overhaul of old systems because they’re not 100% good (um, what is?).

Wisdom and knowledge are not the same. I think you have to have some knowledge to be wise, but having knowledge is not the same as having wisdom. Getting all puffed up and wordy about an issue- or even knowing facts- does not make you (read: me) wise- or even give you the appearance of wisdom. That's probably worth considering.

Proverbs 4:7: 

"Wisdom is supreme; therefore get wisdom.

Though it cost all you have, get understanding."

no mistakes yet

Last night as we waited for 2013, Zoe turned to me and said "Tomorrow is a new year, with no mistakes in it yet." She was half-joking- substitute "day" for "year" and you have a line from Anne of Green Gables- but it's true. And it makes me happy. I feel like this year has some serious potential to be wonderful.
My main goal this year (please pray that I will be able to remember and focus on this goal through the entire year!) is to strengthen my relationship with God. That's what's important, that's what I want, that's what God wants.
I've decided to read through the Bible. It's going to be wonderful! I'm determined to focus on God's words and grow. I'm going to be a third accountability wheel with Megan and Matt, and we're going to start in Genesis and Matthew and read through the OT once and the NT twice in 2013. The extra accountability will be good for all three of us, especially in the first few days of June when we will all be focused on their wedding and preparations will be in full hectic swing.

Nope. No big mistakes yet!

what I meant by "vegetation"

No more school!

([except precalculus] until next month)

I had no idea it'd been since September since my last post. But thinking about it, that makes sense. September was the month my classes started. Until maybe halfway through October, I worked 25 hours a week, doing school and sleeping- only those two activities and not much of the latter- and then I broke down and cut my work by 7-10 hours a week. And I have my sanity, a 98.5 (something like that) % in my math class, and what I sincerely hope is an A in my chemistry class because if I spent all those hours on that binder for nothing I will be severely disappointed, to show for it.







So anyway. This post is supposed to be about my awesome day of relaxation.
About two weeks ago, I was running ragged. Mom told me I should plan to take a day of rest, so I did. Today was that day.

A few pictures:

Lemon Poppyseed Muffins

Strung the Christmas Cards... that one may not fly, especially if we don't get more cards!

 

Wrapped presents

Made a random but cute bow... and took a crappy picture of it.

Also, pajamas until 2, a long hot bath, 2 chapters of Les Miserables (I finally get to read it!), Bible study, and now ice cream and Dr. Who documentaries. Good day.

last week/this week

Quick update:
The past three weeks, I have worked Mon.-Fri. Since I pretty much never (ever) worked five days in a row before this time, it was kind of crazy. This week, I'm not working until Thursday! Emancipation.

So anyway. This week, I believe I'll be able to easily stay on top of my homework. I'm trying to get organized as far as that goes and stay ahead of the game a bit. Last week- working 23 hours, spending 7ish hours in class, 7 or 8 doing homework, and another 5 or so doing church things- was very hard.

Going to the doctor tomorrow to try and find out if I have hypothyroidism. Yippee.

I have to go finish my chemistry homework for tonight's class.

summer 2012

This summer, I visited West Virginia, Massachusetts (twice), and Vermont. I intended to write three separate posts about three different trips, but that's just not going to happen at this point. So instead, I'll write out some highlights/most special moments of each trip.

West Virginia:

• Seeing and spending [very little] time with Megan and Katelyn for the first time in 15 months. For dearest friends, that's really too long. We went shopping and to dinner- we didn't spend a ton of time together because they were planning to visit in a couple of weeks.
• Seeing my family. I didn't get to see everybody, but it was so nice to visit with the ones who did come!
• MOUNTAINS!! I love the mountains more than I love the ocean. One day, I hope, I will live among them again. (no, I have no plans to move back to West Virginia. But I hope that my most permanent home will be surrounded by mountains.)
• Listening to Papaw talk about he and Mamaw, places they'd been, and things they'd done. If you've ever met my grandfather, you'd know that he isn't much of a conversationalist- and certainly not one to talk about the past, except in funny anecdotes about cars or things gone wrong. It was SO special to get to sit on the porch with him and listen to him talk about these sweet things.

• Seeing Mamaw and Papaw interact with each other. My grandparents fought a lot when I was little- they were often yelling at each other. But now, especially since Mamaw's health has gone down-hill, they are much more tender and caring with each other. It's a blessing to see.

Megan, Katelyn, and Matt's visit:

• FINALLY staying up way too late with my best friend and talking about everything. A girl can only hold it in for so long.
•  Spending three hours jumping up and down in the ocean with three wonderful friends. 
• The night of Zoe's birthday party, playing Pit with Zoe, Malia, Megan, Katelyn, and Matt. It was amazing and SO much fun!
• Showing the girls where we live.

Missions trip:

• Spending time with EVERYONE! 
• Seeing my West Virginian friends getting to know and love my Massachusetts/New Hampshire friends, and vice versa.
• The night we just started singing in the dining hall at snack time- and everyone joined in. Sweet beyond words.
• Hearing Yaret (one of my little campers) repeat the memory verse I taught over and over and over again- to himself and to me. Psalm 119:11: "Thy word have I hidden in mine heart, that I might not sin against Thee."
• My campers calling me "M(r)s. Carrot." 
• This is probably the best: This year, Megan and I had a camper named Luis. Luis is a very special little boy, who is loving once you get to know him, but who is is almost incapable of sitting still and has trouble following a lot of rules. And yet, hard as he was to deal with, it was wonderful to see the change in him from last year- when he was hitting his counselors as hard as he could, shouting curses at our leader, and making breaks for escape from the group whenever he could.
  Last year, I had a girl named Dajah who was beautiful, quiet, shy, loving, and responsible. I didn't know whether or not she knew God, but she was special. She is a little mother to her younger siblings, and she does a good job- loving them, taking care of them. She was and is a joy to be around.
  Last year, I also had a little trouble-boy named Eric. Eric, like Luis, had many attention and obedience issues. He couldn't sit still, couldn't obey, had to be separated from the group or taken out of Bible times on multiple days. But I loved him. He, for some reason, grew attached to me for the week (last year), and I to him. I remember sitting in a field with him while the other kids were making a craft and trying to talk to him and help him somehow. It was at that time that he looked at me and said, "God doesn't love me."
  This year, Luis, Dajah, and Eric were the honor campers. There are usually one or two honor campers, and the main requirement is that you know Christ as your Savior. Dajah was rewarded for her wonderful behavior and example of Christlikeness every day, Luis was rewarded for his amazing change from last year, and Eric was rewarded for his exemplary behavior, wonderful attitude, and, last but not least, change since last year- when, he said, he received Christ.
  As you can imagine, I was in tears as my sweet campers stood up and received praise. It was such a blessing to see what God had wrought.

Vermont:

• Being in the mountains.
• Hiking.
• Watching the sun rise over the moutains.
• Spending an afternoon with a book in a paddle boat on the little pond we could walk to. 
• Seeing my Great-Aunt Barbara, her husband Paul, my mom's cousin Chuck and his wife Cheryl.
• Relaxing in general after a crazy, not-a-spare-moment summer.

Jesse Edwards

Jesse Edwards was my great-grandfather- my mother's father's father.

Jesse had a mother, Edith, a father, Fred, and three or four siblings- Fred, Caroline, Ethel, and probably one other. Fred and Ethel were older than he was, and Caroline was younger.

Grampa was talking about Great-Grampa today. This post is rough and lacks transitions, mainly because these things were not said in this order or even all at once. But here are some of the things Grampa told us:

Jesse was probably 5 when his mother died. He and his sister Caroline probably lived with the Walkers (their mother's parents) for a couple of years after that. Later, they lived with their father, and Jesse, in Grampa's words, "would tend the fires and such, and Caroline would take care of the house, and their father would go off to work."

More of Grampa's words:
"Fred Edwards was a small man, smaller even than my father. He used to wear Caroline's [his daughter's] shoes- he would break them in for her. [Mom and Aunt Gail tell me that my great-great-aunt Caroline wore no bigger than a woman's size six shoe). He would walk to work every day. Someone said once that they remembered lying awake in bed every morning as a child and listening to Fred Edwards singing or whistling on his way to work."
"He (Fred) worked in a hay barn. One day he scraped his back on a rusty nail that was sticking out of the wall, and it became a cancerous [cankerous? It's sometimes difficult to understand Grampa] wound that killed him."

"My father was 14 when Grampa died. My father was probably a fairly wild boy, and Aunt Ethel [married by then] sent a letter after their father died saying that Caroline could come live with her, but she wouldn't take my father.
"Pa was not a terribly forgiving man. He probably never spoke to Ethel again. She would come visit, and he would say 'Get out of my way. You get back in that car right now.'"
I don't know the specifics of this situation. I assume it was when Jess was an adult. I don't know whether it happened once or multiple times. But the whole situation must have been such a heartache for everyone!
Grampa Jesse went to work right after his father died.
Grampa, eyes filling with tears, told us that "Pa's boss said that when Pa was 14 years old, he was a better worker than most men."

Grampa Jesse married Edith Fields, my Grampa's mother. His brother Fred married Edith's sister Elsie, and then Grampa Jesse's sister Caroline married Edith and Elsie's brother Clinton. 
Clint and Jesse worked at the same company- Chandler Mill. Grampa Jesse used to give Clint a ride to work every day. Eventually, Clint got a car of his own- a new one. He then told Jesse "I'll never ride in that old rattle-trap of yours again!" And Grampa Jesse said "You sure won't!" At some later date, Clint came to Grampa Jesse needing a ride. Grampa Jesse gave him one- and a very hard time of it.

Back on the note of Grampa Jesse's hard work: "You know, back when A & P was king, my father had a job where he made five dollars a day. That was really big money to make back then. We used to go to the grocery store, and five dollars would fill the back of the car to overflowing."


Disjointed, but (to me) worth thinking about and posting.